14 October, 2009

On to the next one…

My latest book is as girly as they get.

excavatingyourauthenticself-coverSarah Ban Breathnach’s ‘Something More – Excavating Your Authentic Self' is a book for finding out about yourself. A book that ‘encourages you to become an archaeologist of your Self’, as the book so eloquently puts it.

Sarah makes no pretences about who this book is targeted towards. Only the feminine pronouns are used and its quite clearly addressing women.

However, so far, its quite interesting, I actually bought this book based on the recommendations and praise at the back of the book and thought to myself, this should make for an interesting read…

And so far, its already made me realise something about myself, to be honest, the author was going in a different direction, she was recommending that the audiences start a scrap book (how girly is that!) and collect all things (random) they like and glue them in that book, and my thoughts just drifted in a different direction. And you know what, it occurred to me that one of the problems I have with myself is that from the very start, I have thought of myself as a leader, I always imagined myself doing grand things, not socially but morally (which I’d rather not share at the moment as they are still rather raw & personal to me), and all that I have done up to now is try to follow other’s examples, other’s suggestions and live up to other’s opinions.

And lets make so pretences, a major part of the problem is my insecurity which itself breeds competitiveness. My 15 years of gaming stint was just that, now that I think about it. It was an ambition to prove that I could have fun and win against anyone who came within connection distance. A leader leads, carves his own way out, right? I just followed and took-on other people’s leads.

When I befriended my college friend, I remember, both of us were very much into PCs and everything to do with PCs. I, instead of studying my normal subjects, would read up on how monitors, graphic cards work etc, while he realised that its more sensible to focus on his subjects and that was the point where we both went our separate ways perhaps (not friendship wise but achievement wise).

Now that I think about it, I just feel that all these years of following has sub-consciously taken its toll. I do not have anything to stake my name on and all of this (and probably few things more)has cumulatively enforced my opinion of myself, upon myself.

A leader has to lead as that is what his purpose was.

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